Lets face it, if one were to ask this question.. What is your purpose in life? I guarantee most of us who are in the corporate world are going to blabber something about success and taking care of our family. Am I correct?
Probe a little deeper and you'll see confusion on many fronts - what do I want to do? Is this job enough to satisfy my monetary needs? Do I really need a family? Can I do it? etc etc..
Yeah I have been through that and even now these thoughts creep up here and there. So well whats the answer? One, you can just push it back and concentrate what we do best. work, play, work, play OR two, laugh it off and again work, play, work, play OR do something about it by doing nothing, basically.
I'm really interested in the last part. My foundation was built on values, religion and spiritualism. I look back at 4-5 yrs ago when I was basically close to what you call a proverbial failure. No, make that real failure.
In 2004, I joined a 3-tier college with no clue to as to what I was about to do then and in the future. Then something happened, I was scared to death after finding out about the high marks that were required for passing. I was bloody scared to death. The outcome was nothing short of dramatic - I scored 92% in accounting, a subject I hadn't heard of in my first 24 yrs. Still I was scared of other subjects that were yet to come. In the second subject also I scored the same, third was the same, fourth the same. One after another, the student with the worst academic record in the class was reeling off 90s. I then realized I had more in me that I had ever thought. From then on it was a head on collision with all the subjects. Gone was the fear of failing. Instead it was replaced by a fierce desire to score high marks. Of course, it had its drawbacks - falling ill, sleeplessness and losing 5-6 kgs in 3 months. I lived to study. It was like studies were controlling me. After two years, after assaulting myself endlessly I passed out with flying colors. I had become so tunnel visioned that I only knew that I had to land a finance job. Well, logically I should have done that. Gave an interview in reuters, low salary, discarded. E&Y, payroll entry, the interviewer basically said as an MBA you shouldn't be doing this. Futures First, well lets say I needed some ultra-quick quantitative skills and presence of mind which I realized after one year. Thank god I didn't get that job.
In comes my current company, offers me a decent salary and I'm in. What do I do? The studies ghost comes to visit me once again with a cloak called as work ghost. I put in the same effort, got results and two and a half years pass by.
After all these crucial years, I was looking for the answer that was right inside me. I was destiny's child. I had just forgotten about it. Yes, it was my fate to bear that initial failures in life.
If anyone looks at his life closely he's gonna notice there are just two main roles that he plays for others - work and family man. He works and has children. Is that all I ask from myself? What about permanency. Nope nothing's permanent. Even your soul has to be recasted once again. So what it is that one can take with him? Life is a cycle of rebirth and karma. The threads of life have been spun already. I have seen it happen to me. No matter how different I think, no matter how I question it, the truth stares is right there in front of me.
The answer lies in submitting yourself. No more I feel fear, but a certain sense of calm and neutrality. It keeps growing stronger. This is always what I wanted since long. I'll not question my thoughts further for I know it hardly means a thing.
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